January.
JOURNAL ENTRY
Press play to hear what I hear while I journal :)
January never seems to be an easy month for me. I feel like birthdays (mine being January 20th) have always been hard for a while now. I guess the only other thing that makes January so hard is that it seems to go on for eternity. I am grateful however to look back on all these photos and memories I have on this page to remind me that even though the start of the year isn’t going as I would have liked. I had some great moments, great meals, even greater friends. I cried a lot this month. Happy tears but mostly sad. I travelled to new places and regular places. I feel an immense amount of pressure to do more with what aligns me. To work for myself again. I have a surge of creativity and inspiration that I am finding ways to act on. But overall this month I was not proud of how little optimism I had throughout the month. I get by, making sure I make each day count. But some days feel heavy and ominous. Other days feel expressive and some just feel empty. I am not proud (just yet) to turn a year older. My achievements even though we had many last year, I know required minimal effort. That’s okay. That’s a bunch of lessons and teachings I can work on moving forward. You will come to know that I am extremely self critical. And I feel the need to share that, as I continue to express myself authentically. There are sides of me I am still figuring out exactly where, they belong, where they fit in, if they even do have a place inside of me. I still love me. More everyday. I still have compassion, grace, patience, kindness and will endure through every obstacle I put onto myself. Life has growing pains. Some pains are deep while some just scratch the surface. Some thoughts I don’t trust, while some I welcome with open arms. The point is, I will always make an oath to myself. To love myself gently, not all at once, but entirely all the way.
This year I will try my hardest to push through and make something of my work and my life here. I will work hard to become the woman I aspire to be by the end 2026. God give me grace while I endure the next 11 months ahead.
January Camera Roll
Haagen Dazs Vanilla + Olive Oil + Roasted Pistachios
Fortnightly Iranian Dinner
Favourite Desert combo: Boulder Olive Oil chips, + Olive Oil + Haagen Dazs Vanilla Ice Cream
IHOP Bfast - Steak & Veggie Omelette, Pancakes for one
The Crisp of all crisps
New Supplement I am trying out
Trying chickpea Pasta for when I am craving carbs
These were insanely good! Clean ingredients, literally chicken and herbs
My monthly Wholefoods shop
Shimi's is probably my go to Yoga/Barre Burn place now
Discovered Iranian supermarket - Barbari bread, Persian feta, sour cherry jam
New combo alert: Truffle chips with Persian Shallot Yoghurt
Saffron sugar crystals in my Persian tea
Made the viral high protein bagel and really liked it!
Size comparison
BKRY Almond croissant is definitely up there for me
I thoroughly enjoy people watching while I sat and ate my croissant
JANUARY 20TH
*Types into CHATGPT “Psychologically, Why do I hate my birthday?”
****immediately becomes disinterested and zones out by how long the response is*****
I can’t remember the last birthday where I didn’t feel awkward, uncomfortable, pressured. I know the images below seem deceiving. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed my time with my girlfriends. But I also seemingly enjoyed the 8 hours I was bedridden just before this dinner at Cipriani’s. I cried all morning, I felt depressed, I felt old, I felt unaccomplished. I felt disappointed. I was disappointed in myself for not being where I would have hoped to be on my birthday. Maybe celebrating with the love of my life on an island far far away, sipping on my 3rd Paloma cocktail in a restaurant turned beach club after aperitivo hour. I really don’t get my hopes up as much as I used to. And strangely I am proud of that at least. Birthday’s were always just another day for me, no matter how they were celebrated. I never had that “special” feeling. A teary eyed moment. Thinking out loud, growing up, it was never a homemade birthday cake with all my cousins, family around. It was always a Mcdonald’s Birthday with school friends or my Mother’s friends daughters. And I am easily grateful. Not just extremely, but easily. I call it a gift. To be able to find appreciation in every little thing. Literally EVERY, LITTLE, THING. God gifted me the ability to LIVE. I mean LIVE every moment. But birthday’s maybe from past trauma, I am somewhat numb to emotion. I feel nothing, I believe nothing is genuine on January 20th every year on my birthday. I am unfazed, unbothered, expect less and emotionless usually the whole day. The tears I cry usually are from confusion. Not knowing why for only short time I feel nothing. I feel disconnected from myself. WOW this got deep. I wanted to be honest and real. Because this is my journal, the healing it gives me to word vomit in a journal is a form of therapy I benefit immensely from. I have an account of everything. And when I go back to reread, I read it as if it was someone else’s experience. And that is a wonderful way to see yourself outside from the world you live in every minute of everyday. The photos below were encouraged by my two girlfriends. To create memories and a highlight even though I felt numb inside. I have photos of me I will always be reminded of. Maybe looking back on these photos in a decades time, I might assume that I was actually happily fulfilled on this particular birthday. I embraced the vanity and took one for the older Bec, so she can reminisce and imagine how things have changed since this moment I’m sure. We at least got good photos ;)
Weekly VLOGS
My birthday dinner, Persian grocery shopping in Dubai
First week of 2025, Life in Dubai with friends, Shanghai for 24 hrs
AUDIBLES/BOOKS:
The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage By Brene Brown
The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
PODCASTS
#ABtalks with Alana Hadid
Alana Hadid, Palestinian Irish creative director, model, and activist, speaks out about the situation in Palestine, her heritage as the daughter of a refugee and life within the renowned Hadid family. She shares heartfelt personal stories about her family, highlighting her special bond with her grandmother and reveals the life-changing power of self-love.
Rachael Kirkconnell: I Was Blindsided
Join Alex in the studio with The Bachelor’s Rachael Kirkconnell. Rachael details her blindside breakup from Matt James after four years together. She discusses why they never lived together, the insecurities she struggled with in their relationship, how the breakup conversation started, and what she thought of his abrupt Instagram announcement.
Is Marriage a Failed Institution? | #ABtalks Special with James Sexton
James Sexton, renowned divorce attorney with 20+ years of experience, shares gripping case stories and deep insights into relationships’ toughest challenges.
YOUTUBE VLOGS
Join Manoj Dias, meditation teacher and co-founder and VP of Open, for a 10-minute guided meditation that prioritizes self-love.
Iman Gadzhi discusses his advice on how to gain exposure on Youtube.
Vanessa Van Edwards is the founder of ‘Science of People’, which gives people science-backed skills to improve communication and leadership. She is also the bestselling author of ‘Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People’ and ‘Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication'.